Friday, June 1, 2012
Rollercoaster
When we first heard the diagnoses of HLHS the doctor looked at me and said "Now, don't go and Google it or you'll get a bunch of scary stuff." I looked at him through my tears and said "Yeah, right! that's the first thing I'm doing when I get home!" and it was. He urged me to stay away from blogs and stick to the hospital websites about the condition. Try to stick to the stories of hope. But as I've met more and more heart mamas on line I've checked out their sites, their blogs, their stories. Sometimes they're amazing and sometimes... so heartbreaking. There's such a fine line between trying to prepare myself - arm myself with knowledge - and burying all my hope with these little babies that couldn't make it - despite the best surgeons, the newest techniques and all the prayers in the world.
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The journey you are beginning is hard. It is scary and exhausting and overwhelming, but it is so, so worth it. There will be times when you don't think you can do it any longer...but you will. You are stronger than you know, and you will surprise even yourself as you fight for your baby.
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying for your sweet baby and for peace for your heart and mind. I pray you have years and years of "adventures of Macsen" to write about.
Don't let stories of other families (mine included) scare you. Hold on to hope for your son. If anything, use those stories as a reminder to treasure every moment with each of your children. I'm praying for your family.
At this point you and your family have had an enormous change in your life. Today nothing is set in stone, only the first act. Later in the pregnancy, 32 weeks or so decisions will be more possible based on facts, now it is conjectures. You are strong, that is evident in how you already have made decisions, you have to stay positive and hopefull, it is contagious for you and your family. At the end of the pregnancy you will know what path to take, for now enjoy your family to the fullest. You have all our love.
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